The Heartbeat of Spring

What do you follow a eulogy post with? After a year of mourning, reorienting, growing, building, adapting and such, dad is still very much a presence in our lives, and yet there are still moments when we miss him tremendously.

I’m sure mom misses him every morning when she sits down to say her prayers without having to wait for him to check the weather eight times before he can join her and every evening when she sits down to dinner without him at the table; every time she bakes a cherry pie or fries chicken; every time she wants to play pinochle, watch a movie, go to church, or works on her house. Her witness to the vocation of her marriage is simply beautiful. She is still just as devoted to him in her mourning and living now as she was when he was physically here. I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing that the other day she said “I think he is lo

What do you follow a eulogy post with? Life always follows death! After a year of mourning, reorienting, growing, building, adapting and such, dad is still very much a presence in our lives, and yet there are still moments when we miss him tremendously.

I’m sure mom misses him every morning when she sits down to say her prayers without having to wait for him to check the weather eight times before he can join her and every evening when she sits down to dinner without him at the table; every time she bakes a cherry pie or fries chicken; every time she wants to play pinochle, watch a movie, go to church, or works on her house. Her witness to the vocation of her marriage is simply beautiful. She is still just as devoted to him in her mourning and living now as she was when he was physically here. I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing that the other day she said “I think he is loving me better now than he was able to before he was gone.” I love that so much! She can tell you many stories of asking him for help with something she doesn’t know what to do one night and the next day she will wake up with the answer or the times she starts doing something on the house and tells him he is going to have to help her because she doesn’t think she can do it alone and it will be done without a hitch in no time. They are just so cool! Keep loving us papa!

I’m sure Brad misses him ever morning he is feeding cows, every time something breaks down and he is tinkering alone in the shop, and every time he is deciding what to do next on the farm (well, maybe not the times when he is doing things different from what dad would have told him).

I miss him every time I see his old pickup, every time we have a bonfire, every time I take my car to get its oil changed (instead of doing it on the farm), every time we have made sausage, every time something breaks, every time I want to play pinochle, every time mom bakes a cherry pie or fries chicken. I especially missed him at Christmas, birthdays, and this year hunting for the first time without him (except for that one time I went without him while he took mom to Saturday night Mass and I shot a three point at about 20 yards on opening Saturday and dad had my hunting knife in his pickup and the old one I grabbed was as sharp as a butter knife and I got the Kabota and loaded him up whole and drove him home and dad got home just in time to do all the gutting for me. And did I mention I gut shot the deer?)

We miss him and will undoubtedly continue to do so through the rest of the year. Easter, then hauling hay, then birthdays. Father’s Day, then combining, then more birthdays, then vacations, then the Chicken Dinner. And then when his fourth grandchild comes into the world….

Carl and I are expecting a baby at the end of September/beginning of October. Now that we are into the second trimester, it feels like most people know and are already looking forward to the date just as much as we are. Can you believe it? I’ll be practically 37 and Carl will be 44. Henry will be 19.5, Ava will be 17, Elyse will be 14 almost 15, and Isabel will be 13 with a brand new baby! We are all excited!

We have the books, apps, and more information than I know what to do with. Baby is 16 weeks today. Which means we have a dill pickle/poire belle Helene/Philippine tasier/avocado (3-4ounces and 4-5inches). Which has me looking around the house at all the things baby sized! At 4 months, they say baby is starting to perceive light and sound and is finally just big enough that I could start feeling baby move any day. We have a midwife who is the most wonderful, peaceful woman and who I am so thankful to have found to walk with us through our first pregnancy. She says as a first time mom, I probably won’t feel baby for a few more weeks at least. 20 week ultrasound when we will see baby is getting close! We have heard baby’s heartbeat- so amazing! 150-160 beats per minute, baby is a little hummingbird! I am getting bigger, too, but I just look bigger, not discernibly baby bump pregnant…. Not yet!

No food cravings (which I was quite excited for), but several aversions (which are no fun). The chronic queasies have finally subsided a bit and I am able to go 2 hours without putting crackers in my belly. I’ve learned the reality of “baby brain” and have been surprised by so many things that women just don’t talk about! Where are the mothers having conversations about all these things? Maybe just because I never had sisters, it’s all new to me. But, thankful to be in the second trimester. And just as the spring weather is arriving! It is wonderful! The miracle of new life coinciding with all the miracles of Easter and spring time! God is so very good to us!

We have lots of things to do to get the house ready and lots of adventures already planned for the summer. The next 6 months is going to be a whirlwind of activities and I’m already tired! Living in the old farmhouse, we have plans for making a nursery upstairs. We have a cute old bassinet that fits perfectly in our tiny bedroom. We have plans to use cloth diapers, you know, because I don’t like anything that has to be thrown away after a one time use [other than toilet paper] and I don’t want any unnecessary toxic chemicals for baby. So breast feeding (duh!), cloth diapers/reusable paper towels/washable sponges (Green Mountain Diapers), reusable wipes (Marley’s Monsters- made in Eugene, OR!!!), buying USED clothes! I love not buying new things! Fortunately, there are starting to be websites for that! Although I’m not sure how I feel about renting baby clothes yet, I am totally on board with hand me downs! Hannah Andersson has a Preloved site, Bounce Mkt is all resale clothes, RebelStork and Good Buy Gear is used and overstock baby gear, ThreadUp has clothes for everyone. I love it! But if we are buying new, organic cotton clothes are our favorite (Pact). I know, Facebook Marketplace is the one everyone recommends, but I haven’t quite jumped into that pool yet.

Soooo…. Stay tuned for all the things to come! First off is getting the farm garden shaped up. The high tunnel needs fixed, the irrigation needs fixed, the deer fence needs fixed, the non-existent deer gate needs fixed. I mean installed. Did I mention the house needs fixed? Then, we will leave for 3 weeks! We are going to go to New Zealand this summer (to keep me from hauling hay?) in June. Hopefully any house fixes will be able to be fixed while we are gone. Then there are two family reunions this summer, one for Carl’s family (for a week!) and one for all my extendeds. Then…. it’s September with all the canning, back to school, and last minute nesting for baby! Thankfully, I know we will have dad helping us with all of it :) Love you, dad!

Pray for us! Sorry if this is scattered and rambling. That’s how my brain is! Next time there will be pictures, I promise!

Dad’s Eulogy

My husband and I were in Yosemite for our 6 month anniversary the night mom called. The news was a total juxtaposition from the full day of hiking we had in one of the most beautiful places the United States has to offer. The waterfall of tears was almost as big as the waterfalls in the park. My husband was (and continues to be) amazing and took care of everything we needed to get headed home. He talked with the manager, ordered dinner (with the most expensive meal possible because every take out container added $10 to the meal), packed the car and his quickly deteriorating wife, and they were off. And he completely understood when I wanted to stop and get out of the car in the middle of the road. Because the stars! And so many tears. It’s amazing my husband was also able to keep me hydrated- I just kept leaking!

Some things you never imagine putting into words. Telling a crowd of hundreds of people the things I wished dad would have wanted them to know fit into that category for me. Almost two months ago, 2-21-22, dad went to his forever home and about a week later was his funeral service. Dad, being such a strong, hard working, independent, youthful, self-directing, fun-loving, ornery man that his death was one of those impossible shocks. In an instant the world was changed forever and never to be the same.

At the funeral, I sat in the front pew with my husband beside me, his children filling out the pew, my little brother’s family beyond them with mom and my older brother next to me. I had no concept of how full the church was. The church was literally overflowing people out the door and down the steps (the singer said there were even children hanging from the balcony). Had I known, I may not have so easily agreed to speak the words mom believed should be shared. But love can be the force to impel us to do even the things that make us most uncomfortable.

Dad and mom participated in a class to help plan and prepare for the inevitable funerals. He told her he didn’t want a eulogy. He couldn’t think of anyone crazy enough to want to get up and talk about him in front of a crowd. After he died, mom thought it was important to share some things about his second chance at Heaven. And since Dad loved mom more than anything, we all know know he would have told her to go ahead. That’s one thing we all knew about dad- he loved mom and would have done anything for her (or let her do anything if he knew it was her heart’s desire, even if she didn’t actually tell him). One of my favorite things was that some days after he would leave to go feed cows in the morning, he would call her to tell her to go outside and look at the sun coming up. He always wanted to share the beauty he found in Creation with her. It was beautiful!

So, here’s dad’s eulogy:

To start, I have to share my aunt Monica’s story. She tells it that I was four years old and something like a toaster had broken. Monica was ready to throw it out and I stopped her with all sincerity, childlike trust and innocence saying, “Give it to my dad; he can fix anything!” Looking back on who my dad was, now I realize he was teaching me about God our Father’s love for us all the time, even when things were broken.

Yes, Dad was ornery and loved teasing, but those of you who knew him real well also knew he had a very strong faith. Dad worried about friends and family and prayed with mom every morning that each one of you would come back to the Church. That may surprise those of you who knew him before his heart attack, before his second chance. Afterwards, my dad made significant changes in his life. Mom says he went to Confession for the first time in 20 years. He stopped working on Sundays (as long as there wasn’t a rain shadow over a hayfield), started going to daily Mass (sometimes to escape a rainshower), went to RCIA just to learn about his faith, and gave gentler “good mornings” and more hugs. Many changes- except for his sarcasm, but we know that was secretly his love language. 

Dad loved laughing and children- I think because the rest of us took ourselves too seriously. And maybe because kids actually thought wet willies were fun. He saw the value in everything- even garbage! My cousin Christie could share about when Dad took a fiberglass broomstick she had thrown into her garbage can because it had started to splinter and burn her hands. Dad could see past that- some duct tape was all it needed, so he pulled it out of the trash and was still using it on the farm.

Most of all, my Dad loved people and sharing with them the things he loved. He could share his love of farming with anyone- to the point that we joked customers at farmer’s market would buy hazelnuts just to get him to stop talking! The church is full today because you knew when he talked to you that he really cared about you. If you needed something (especially if it required a tractor or a chainsaw or both), he would be there to help any way he could. He knew you were valuable.

So Dad would want you to take advantage of your own “second chance”; therefore, on his behalf, we offer you these three things:

1. Tell your husband or wife you love them every day!

2. Don’t be afraid of your neighbors– get to know who they are, care about them, and help them. They are worth your time.

3. Pray. Go to Confession. Forgive people. And if you can’t forgive them in words, forgive them in hugs. Even if they are people that feel like burning fiberglass. And if you don’t think you can do any of that, the most important memory I have from my dad is really about God- whenever you have a problem- “give it to Dad, he can fix anything“

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As one friend and neighbor said, “it’s like a piece of the valley’s heart is suddenly gone.” We miss him, yet he lived and believed his faith and we are confident that he is still with us, freed from all the bodily restrictions we all complain about. Mom says he is still with her every day and some days he still offers her a “poke” in the ribs or a smile. And now he never misses sharing a sunrise or a sunset with her.

Love you, Dad.

Two Become One

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let all men know your forbearance. The Lord is at hand. Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-9 (one of the readings from our ceremony)

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Rejoice!

We wish you could have been there in person to share in our rejoicing. Thank you for your prayers, love, gifts, offers to help, and we are praying for you too!